I am not who I thought, who am I?

I thought losing someone is ok for me, but just even imagining losing anyone even of slightest important to me is unacceptable.

I thought I am evil, but I never successful in harming anyone in my own conscience.

I thought I worship Devil(in every depiction I know), but I have pity on their victims.

I thought I like someone, but that thought makes me look into myself, I don't understand myself and both of us don't understand each other.

I thought I understand boyfriend girlfriend relationship well from reading, but I don't understand the process, how do they and how long they can avoid boredom.

Who am I? My mind state is constantly changing, I hate it, how do I find my anchor?

Rock songs of different language

I love rock songs very much, after hearing rock songs of different language, I found that there are something special in rock songs in certain language.

Chinese rock songs are normally emo, actually, most Chinese songs are emo, that's why Pei Shian like them so much.

English rock songs are often telling you a story, but most of the time I don't listen to the lyrics, who cares about lyrics? The lyrics are bullshit anyway.

The main theme of Korean rock songs is freedom, you can feel the freedom when listening to their rock songs.

Japanese rock songs are like drugs, they are so chaotic that ones feel ecstasy and forget everything, especially for guys like me who don't understand Japanese at all. Once again, fuck the lyrics.

Malay rock songs still don't have any trend, they are more like jack of all trade of the above. After all, they are famous for copycat nation.

被活埋的驴

今天看到一个同学的部落格了很不爽，因为他的内容真的是太负面了。不过，大家放心，在我部落格朋友名单的都不是我所讲的人。
他说，他很不爽老师，因为老师落井下石，在我们考试不少的这几天内增加我们的负担。她是我们的英文老师，她要求我班全部从华校来的写一篇作文给全班看，并且在班上面前改。我承认，这个或许有些麻烦，而且有些丢脸。但，我要先讲一个故事：

从前，有个农夫有个很老但是很有智慧的驴，他养了它很久都不舍得杀了它。终于有一天，那只驴弱的扛不起任何东西了。农夫逼不得已，要想办法扔了它，念在它久劳有功，就想要仁慈一点地杀了它，就是活埋了它。
农夫挖了一个又大又深的洞，把驴赶下去，然后一铲一铲的把泥土撒下去。怎知，聪明的驴最后没死，当泥土积在他的肩旁时，它就轻轻抖一抖，把泥土扫到地下去。就这样，等到泥土积到地面的水平时，它就得以逃出生天。

这个故事告诉我们要化压力为动力，才能生存下去。恐怕我那个只懂得怨天怨地的同学没听过这个故事吧，他应该没机会看吧，因为我从没邀过他来我的部落格，只有我很无聊时才去一个一个部落格找东西看，也没留下留言。就像徐志摩般，我悄悄的来，正如我悄悄的去，我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩，总之就是我没事不会留言就是了。

Data Entry is Dangerous

Been doing part time job in Studylink for 2 days already. For those who don't know what is Studylink, it is a Education Counsel Center near Taylor's Subang Jaya. I work as a student helper inside, 5 bucks per hour, averagely 2 hours a day, 4 days a week.

Well, student helper is not like helping to counsel or something, I was doing data entry type job instead. Data entry job is indeed dull, but there's something fun about it but maybe dangerous for other people as well.

To let you understand why is it so dangerous about it to others, I would like to remind you of all the surveys you did when these education counsel approached you. After all the survey's form being collected, I will be the one who processed the forms for them. Today I just processed some data from chs, there's a lot of form 6's name I know, but there's also some that do not belongs to chs before 2008, and I recognize one of them as my primary classmate that was studied in SMK Taman Sea before form 6. Then I realized that I have not going back to chs for a long time already. Besides that, I also found Koh Yeet, 高艺's(is it her name? the highly recommended actor by Jack Neo in Ah Long Pvt. Lmt.)survey form in it, she filled in all her contacts like phone number, address and email address on it.

Due to my civil consciousness, I didn't record down these information although I am curious to. But, I also did something uncivilized, I told some of colleagues that that survey form is her form. Well, celebrities should be more careful in revealing their personal information. I am sorry if Koh Yeet get disturbed by someone unknown, but I am willing to reveal those colleagues' identity if these scenario ever happen.

By the way, I found out something different when I was processing data for USJ students ad CHS students. CHS students normally filled in science related subject when they were asked about their interested course, I am happy to process the forms because I can keep copy and paste; whereas USJ students have a varieties of interested courses, I process their data until headache, because all those new terms. I wonder what causes so much difference???

任你玩四年

最近乒乓桌时常爆满，使到我想要打多一点乒乓球都难。每次看见有人接电话之后，都会拍拍屁股走人，所以都会注意乒乓友谁有电话来电。有一天，有个读着大学不懂什么科系的学长忽然想起有课要上。我听到了非常高兴，满心期待他也拍拍屁股周人。哪知道他拿起手提打给某个同学，问问两下，结果他最后一句差点让我吐血。他说：
“没有人去啊？酱我也不去了。”
哇，扎到，这也没设么。有另两位学长曾经从早上十一点打球打到下午六点。哇，他们不用上课的啊？？？？更厉害的是，还有一个学长，隔天有个节目，他告诉我他隔天有个TUTORIAL。第二天，他出现了，而且一整天都呆在那儿。我问他，你不是有什么“头又大”吗？他说，TUTORIAL？喔，Cancel liao,其他的课不重要的，去不去都不要紧。
这就是大学，UNIVERSITY,俗称“任你玩四年”，你要不要上课都不要紧，最重要试有考，钱有交。这就是为什么人人都要抢着进大学，因为。。。。。。。。。。。。。。有四年给你玩你不要吗？

Restrictions

The Beijing Olympic 2008 has ended 4 days. I am feeling very grateful as there is still no news about China playing sabotage in all the Olympic games, and I even read a news about changing results of a China female taekwondo athlete due to false mark given. I am very proud of China where it suppose to be my origin as they are highly ethical and do not play sabotage in sports, that means all of their 51 Olympic gold are gain from pure hard work, an extra honour for their athletes. Cheer for them! Speaking of sports ethic, the Korea nation seems to be have no sports ethic at all. My dad always said when Korea host some major international sports event, they can just do anything to gain higher status, this is very clear during the Seoul Olympics and Korea World Cup years ago.

Rules, are none other than part of restriction in our life. Most of us thinks it is something negative, as most of us swear to be a rule breaker, but actually it does make the world a better one. As a matter of fact, the basis of games comes from restriction through the form of rules, and without rules, games are not fun. Imagining yourself to play a game that you can do anything, after a while you sure will feel boring, because it is not challenging at all. Rules make people have hopes in playing a game, games that make people overconfident or no hope at all are just boring, as when there is hope, there is chance to win. This is what keeps people playing game.

As for me, when I came back from holiday, I was actually happy, because at school, there is no action restriction although there is time restriction. Whereas at home, there is constantly action restriction from parents that forbid me to go online. But thinking in other way, if there is no time restriction at all, I might don't feel like coming back to school again, because no restriction make me lazy. Restriction is very important to me indeed, because I like to compromise with it. Do you have restriction and do you like it?

New Things

Something interesting happened today, I just bought a new ping pong bat today. I have spent RM 245 for the whole set including the bat, the bat case and the cleaning set. I asked my friends who is very good in ping pong and know very well about bats to accompany to give me advise. In the end, he did a great job as well and the price is lower than what I expected. (Because he made a rough guess price for a far more advance bat for me before we go)

This is not very interesting at all. The really interesting thing come in now, when we heading back to the place we usually play ping pong, there are another two friends there. They are curious about my new ping pong bat, and keep asking the price etc. There is one thing in common, most of the people keep saying that this bat is very good, this bat is so spinny blar blar blar, and my bat becomes a new celebrity, everyone wants to try it.

I wonder, is it everyone keep praising my bat because it's new or they just don't want to upset me, or they just go for public views. Sometimes people is like that, when something new comes in an area, first thing they think is it's good, it's totally good and it's positive. Well, I think I have to accept it and try to train to be a better ping pong player, but I still hope I can know whether my bat is really good or not.

P.S.: Yes, Jie Han, I'm not sure whether you are still reading my blog or not, but I agree that this post is just like a diary. Sorry, but I want to put up an example before I try to express my main idea.

Time

Recently, the MRR2 bridge is having a crack again, which everyone have been anticipating as it is a Sami Vellu's production, with the motto of "Nothing happens is a miracle". This reminds me of the last time it cracked, I just couldn't remember when is it, my mum told me it is about 2 years ago, but I just can't remember the time gap. Well, the time pass by us all the time, most the time unnoticed by us when it pass, or maybe we just forgot it after it passed, this is true for all those events that are not very important to us.

I can remember most of my very close friends and I plan for a gathering for everyone of them during their birthday since our secondary school graduation. This reminds me of Pei Shian, Chee Meng and my birthday is coming in a month and we are having a grand celebration by then. However, I just can't remember when was the Hong Kong trip my parents brought me few years back; when is the exact date my parents brought me to Melbourne; how old is my youngest sister now, well, maybe not entirely forgot, but always very blur, because she is just like grow up at an instant.

I think that I am a person that have a very good sense of direction, but not in a good sense of time. I am very poor in notice the time gap for certain events, I don't know this is a good thing or not, but I am sure I am very lazy to memorize every single event just to improve my sense of time. Speaking of time, Malaysian's clock is go slower than others, and after 17 years living here, I still find myself couldn't adapt to it, most of the time I have to endure with it and wait there patiently, and in the end such person like me are known as "nerd", this is totally unfair. In a society, you either join the group or out of the group, even if you know that what the group did is wrong. If you don't follow them, you will be end up being cornered out, so I rather do everything my own, do everything by myself and wrong by myself, unless there are other peoples have the same aim as me, I will either join them or ask them to join me.

知足常乐

在这个世界上，只要是有哲学思想的道理，无论是宗教，成语，格言，名句， 都不难找到与知足常乐相关的思想。 我们知道只要活在这个世界上只要无欲无求， 就能非常快乐，因为你不再需要为任何事情打拼，不再操心与及担心，那该是多么美好，多么理想的生活啊！

只可惜，谁能大声出来说一声自己是无欲无求的？每个人都为物质，金钱而操劳一生，沉沦在欲望的陷阱中。Karl Marx的共产主义就是想打造这么一个世界，可是我们看今天的共产国家，比如说中国，已经渐渐趋向资本主义； 缅甸呢，就成了独裁主义。

能说什么呢？只能说知足常乐太理想，太遥远了。我呢，只想在外面买东西时吃得饱，荷包又不会缩水得太厉害就很好了，因为我的食量很大，又时常在外面走动，时常吃不饱。真的很羡慕那些食量小的人，很容易就满足他们的肚子了，不像我，时常委屈我的肚子。

Change in life

Our life is constantly changing, whether we want it or not. Most of the time we are unaware of its changes, and regret after it changed. Sometimes we don't want it to change, but eventually it still change. While the rest very desperate for it to change, but in the end they still regret of the life they lost. Even after we have adapt to our change in life, we are still feeling nostalgic towards every single one of the previous life, and the more backdate the life is seems to be better.

As for me, I so hope that my ping pong partner that have graduated from A-level few months ago can still be here, still playing ping pong with me everyday after school; I hope that I can go back to my secondary school where my "chao gei" gang is; I hope that I can go back to my Harmonica & Guitar Society that I can still involve with the wonderful music there; maybe not form 1 & form 2, that is the time when I am most helpless; I hope that I can go back to primary school life that I can talk Chinese all the time; I hope that I can go back to my life before standard 5 that I can join people of my age etc.

However, these are merely hopeless wish and long gone past of mine. What I can do is to appreciate my life now and try to take contact of everyone who had been and will always be my friend. Though the intersection of our life may not be long, I wish we can be friends forever.

世界的真相

前几天读到一篇文章，是说到有关大自然摄影的。作者说，有的摄影师为了拍出他们心目中最美丽的作品，而擅自把某些大自然的景象更动。更动过后，作品拍出来可能会很美，但这再也不是真实的大自然，就好像把猴子“请”下树来，但猴子根本就不在树下生活。

其实这个道理也不是只存在于摄影学而已，世界上万物都遵循着这个道理。只因为，这个世界上没有一样东西是完美的，完美在自然界里是不存在的。人身为世界的支配者，却无时无刻追求着完美。但是，人类忘了考虑一样很重要的东西，追求完美之后要找怎么做，是继续追求更完美的吗？那不是否定了之前所追求的完美吗？那可不行？那要做什么呢？感情上亦是如此。很多人以为结婚之后就是感情最完美的时刻，过后就不知所措，再加上近代男女不再像前代般互相依赖，是以一不爽就一拍两散。

到最后，能够白头偕老的夫妻恐怕是从来没有爱情的夫妻，很讽刺吧！！

Joker

I would like to introduce a joker in my class. This joker "was" my friend. Long time ago, she opened a blog and I was one of early visitor. I see no chatbox inside and so I helped her out to put the chatbox with me register the account. Though I totally don't know how to do html or java programming, I do know that any single alphabet missed out would ruined the whole program like chatbox. But........, this joker don't know. Since i wanted to start out this blog and she "is" no longer my friend, I log in to chatbox account and found out that I could manipulate her chatbox(I was noob ok, i didn't know because I hardly used it). So I change the settings of the chatbox, delete all the messages and copy the new html link to this blog.

I was expecting her to get mad and wondering is it me who done something. Either she don't know or she wanted to hide her noobness, she wrote something about someone hacked her chatbox, deleted all the messages (I did delete all the messages.) and when she wanted to login to her chatbox account, she forgoted her login ID and password (the chatbox account she claimed to be hers is never her account, it is mine). It is so damn funny because she still don't know who did it(or she pretend to be so), and she didn't realise she don't have a chatbox account. LOL, ROFL